Happily Ever After

Okay, so I grew up with Fairy Tales - Anderson’s and Grimm’s - brought to life and embellished by Disney’s animations of Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella. Although many of the tales had severe moral tones, and equally horrific consequences for the “bad” child, there was also hope and a fairy godmother to bring hero and heroine together in the end. And, in the 1950's, the new television media wrapped America’s middle class families in the trappings of contemporary fairy tales. In the end, they all lived “happily ever after” too.

As a child, naive and vulnerable, I built my dreams and envisioned my future in “happy ever after” frames. I suppose it provided an escape from the sometimes awkward and messy real world and gave hope for a beautiful tomorrow. I still remember singing “Someday My Prince Will Come” while I cleaned my room or swept the porch. The problem was that this framework was not a perfect road map, and it gave no instructions for how to live in that “ever after” if and when I found it.

To complicate matters further, enter the Home Economics teacher into the young adolescent’s life, trying to provide the skills and tools for becoming a good homemaker. With our aprons and wooden spoons, we fancied ourselves to be young Donna Reeds or Harriet Nelsons, if not the fairy tale princesses of yore. And, though not stated, it was implied that cooking, sewing, and cleaning were the keys that would ultimately, somehow, open the door to living happily ever after. (But, wait, wasn’t this the life that Cinderella had escaped?)

Meanwhile, the young males were not being indoctrinated with the same fairy tales or life’s little instructions. Their games and stories didn’t always have a happy ending, didn’t always include a life ever after in the company of their one true love, and didn’t necessarily require them to be charming.

It has taken a lifetime and innumerable forays into love’s sweet dominion to glean the untold story that follows the fairy tale’s “happy ever after” ending - to begin to fathom what it takes to build and maintain a lasting relationship - to live after the “happy ever. . .” Too bad the Brothers Grimm didn’t write sequels. Meanwhile, generations of Cinderellas seek to reconcile the reality of their lives with the fantasy of their convictions.

We assume we are all perfect lovers and all we need do is wait and our love will grow and blossom as readily as a flower in spring. Not so. Love doesn’t grow unless we do. It takes patience, knowledge, experience, determination, and every positive trait we possess. In addition, love is always changing and unless we stay aware and change with it, it eludes us.
Dr. Leo Buscaglia
(from an exclusive interview by Veronica M. Hay)

I'm still a work in progress . . .

I’m not the person I thought I’d grow up to be. Not a movie star, not a missionary, not a mother. My teaching career was short lived. I have twice abandoned educational goals. My home is not furnished in contemporary Scandinavian style. My social life and network are sketchy. My artistic talents - whatever they may be - have not been nurtured or refined. The world won’t remember my work. My voice is rarely heard; my opinions, rarely sought. I am not even a self-proclaimed expert in any field.

I have done things I never contemplated for myself, and am proud of my work. I married a man I wouldn’t date, and he loves me. I am a step mother and a grandmother. My home is comfortably furnished in overstuffed leather and antiques. I cook for pleasure and entertainment - indulgence; people like my food. I have breathed life into festivals and programs and lives; now they stand on their own.

My path has taken many unexpected turns. Along the way, I have stumbled, and have been diverted.. Was it lack of conviction or ambition? Or something else, as doors opened and others were barred. I like to think that, in the scheme of things, every step along the way has been necessary, even if not deliberate. I have tested the waters in many different landscapes. I have taught, have led, have created, have loved, and I have been loved.

I am not the person I thought I’d grow up to be, because - as a child - I never could have conceived this life.

Life must be understood backwards, but . . . it must be lived forward.
Soren Kierkegaard